Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
