My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
