what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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