I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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