He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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