I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The best revenge is premature balding
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
