Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
