I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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