I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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