how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
