I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
