I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
