there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
