butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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