Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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