i already hear my dad disowning me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
