Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
