She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza