Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself

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  (907): I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself http://tfl.nu/s5eu
  Replies (11) Good night (3076) Bad night (602)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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  (425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm
  Replies (48) Good night (720) Bad night (3472)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..

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  (480): I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box.. http://tfl.nu/ei9f
  Replies (32) Good night (2081) Bad night (5066)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

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  (201): I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number. http://tfl.nu/78e6
  Replies (28) Good night (5114) Bad night (1037)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot

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  (413): I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot http://tfl.nu/9cpf
  Replies (78) Good night (6482) Bad night (850)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning

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  (347): I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning http://tfl.nu/a79g
  Replies (10) Good night (4877) Bad night (830)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

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  (518): you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved http://tfl.nu/hfsv
  Replies (15) Good night (4151) Bad night (875)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

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  (952): Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home. http://tfl.nu/0k8h
  Replies (27) Good night (1559) Bad night (4051)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  What did I eat last night that was bloody?

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  (515): What did I eat last night that was bloody? http://tfl.nu/5wrj
  Replies (30) Good night (1018) Bad night (5247)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.

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  (205): I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend. http://tfl.nu/23o0
  Replies (2) Good night (1509) Bad night (802)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you

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  (816): i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you http://tfl.nu/on8e
  Replies (2) Good night (1872) Bad night (578)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really

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  (315): Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really http://tfl.nu/gifi
  Replies (4) Good night (1775) Bad night (667)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison

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  (864): Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison http://tfl.nu/9c49
  Replies (2) Good night (1010) Bad night (613)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You said dick pics aren't attractive

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3

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  (240): You said dick pics aren't attractive (301): Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3 http://tfl.nu/0mk5
  Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (341)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."

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  (503): The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you." http://tfl.nu/ce1u
  Replies (3) Good night (646) Bad night (282)

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