Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.