Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray

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(631): View more from New York

Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.

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