Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.