i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.