Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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