I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
