I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
