He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
