At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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