so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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