hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
