on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we should paint friendship bongs
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