I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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