in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize