Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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