Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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