My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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