I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.