I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize