And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom