We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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