I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.