NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place