Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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