my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
