xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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