best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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