that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
