Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
