seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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