I was born with a shot glass in my hand
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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