So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
