In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
