I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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