went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
