i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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