i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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