if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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