Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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