I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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