He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
