I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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