who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
