My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
