Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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