Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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