It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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