I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
