i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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