why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
