That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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