Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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