So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
